BDSM Newbie – what you need to know

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BD/SM (Bondage & Discipline / Sadism & Masochism) is a lifestyle that has begun to come out of the closet more and more with the help of movies, television, and social media. If this is something you or your partner have been curious about, but are not sure where to start here are some ways you can express your desires to your significant other and step out into your local fetish community.

Share with your Partner – This is one of the hardest and most important parts when you are dipping your toes into BDSM. If you have a partner and you want to experience this with them, sit them down and bring up the topic slowly. It may start out with something like “I was thinking about stepping up our bedroom experience and would like it if you tied me up or if you would let me tie you up” It sounds difficult but once it is out there you will be surprised how open most people are to new experiences and adventures. You can also start out with “I was reading a book and I thought it was sexy when he/she spanked him/her”. What you are doing is simply bringing up the topic to see where it goes. Once your partner is on board it is time to go shopping.

Finding the right toys – One thing you want to have handy if you are going to try things out is a toy bag. Most couples and singles will have their own toy bag of items that they want either used on them or to use on someone else. Items that you may want to have handy are:

These are just a few items, your toy bag can turn into a toy trunk and eventually a toy closet. You will want to try these items out either as a couple or if you are single try them on yourself first when able. This will give you a good idea of what to expect and how to play with them.

If you are single and want to get out and meet others in your local BDSM community the best way to get started is to find them. You will find local groups with simple research into meet ups and groups online.

Once you have located a group you would like to attend, reach out to the leader or membership coordinator and ask about new member meetings or educational meetings. Most groups have them and if they don’t keep looking. You will be surprised at how welcoming the fetish community is, there are people who are just starting out and people who have been playing for years.

Start out with a safe word that you and your partner agree on. Make sure it is not something you would normally say, and if you are uncomfortable or unsure of how you are feeling during play, use that word to stop what is happening and reassess the situation. Always communicate, and keep in mind these two mantras of the BDSM community. Safe, Sane, and Consensual and Risk Aware Kink.

 

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