When you first get together with a partner, things can be truly passionate. It might seem like you’re having sex two, or maybe three times a day. In the beginning you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and you were sneaking away constantly to get some alone time. But that was then. Now, you can barely remember the last time you two had sex. What happened? And what are you supposed to do about it?
Identify The Problems
Talking about sex is hard, even for couples who’ve been together for a while. Ironically, it’s actually easier to have sex than it is to talk about the mental and emotional processes going on behind it. But if your partner isn’t in the mood, and hasn’t been for a long time, then you need to have a heart to heart before other parts of your body can get re-acquainted.
Set aside some time, sit down with them, and be honest about your feelings. Ask what’s going on, and try to make them as comfortable as possible. It’s important to make sure there is as little pressure as possible, and to be clear that no one is being blamed for the situation; you’re just trying to find a solution that works for both of you. Is it work stress? Is it depression? Is it performance anxiety? Or is it something else entirely that you never would have guessed at? Open communication is the best way to find out.
Try Some Solutions
There is no silver bullet for fixing your bedroom issues. You have to come up with a solution that works for you, and your partner. It might be as simple as scheduling one day out of the week for sex, or using a danger word (the opposite of a safe word, which acts as a kind of short-hand to let your partner know you’re in the mood). You might want to try bringing in some toys, or even trying other styles of sex to see if something rekindles your passions.
Remember, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!
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