Although oral sex is touted as the surefire way for anyone, man or woman to come, there’s no orgasm guarantee for anything. If you’ve never been able to come through oral or can only orgasm sporadically when your partner goes down on you, it might leave you feeling like there’s something wrong with you. Plus, your partner might feel like they’re letting you down. But there’s good news: it’s normal, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing!
Not Everyone Can Climax from Oral
First things first: you’re not some sort of freak. You’re just a person, and people are all different. Some can get off easily, but others need more time and attention. Oral might be the key for some people, especially women, but that’s not always the case. And not every guy is able to come from a blowjob. There are many types of normal, and we think they’re all awesome as long as you enjoy them. This brings us to our next point.
Focus on the Journey
We know it sounds cliche but sex — and even masturbation — is about the journey and not the destination. In fact, if you focus on trying to climax or how much difficulty you’re having, you might be making it harder.
Instead, ask yourself some questions. Are you having fun? Do you feel good? Do you feel more connected to your partner? Are you comfortable? If you can say to most/all of those questions, then it sounds like you’re having a pretty good time!
One reason that many people, especially women, don’t have an orgasm from oral sex is that they’re too self-conscious to let go. You need to ditch anxieties about the way you smell, taste, look or even sound and allow yourself to be attended to by your lover — and trusting that they want to make you feel good in this way.
So relax, breathe deep and focus on those good sensations.
Get Comfortable Being (A Little) Bossy
If you’re not coming from oral, could it be that your partner isn’t doing what you need? And could the reason for that be a lack of feedback from yourself? Sure, it would be great if we all knew what our partners needed without them telling us, but we live in the real world. People have different preferences and experience levels so that mind-reading thing is pretty much impossible.
Learn how to be comfortable asking for what you need, whether it’s an added toy, more pressure (or less), the same type of stimulation for a prolonged period of time or something just a little bit more to the left. Women, especially, need to pipe up.
Finding it harder to speak up than you imagined? Imagine how your partner must feel without little or no feedback. Telling him or her what to do (or a less forceful verbal nudge in the right direction) helps you both.
A breathless “Harder” or a moaned “To the right” are sexy and helpful. Who wants to brace themselves for oral sex that they don’t enjoy when something could be done about it, anyway?
For partners who want to go down and give their lovers pleasure, asking for feedback can help create space for this type of communication. One thing to do is a game where you try different techniques and have your partner rate them. Then, you know to do the things that he or she likes.
Remember that the occasionally “Do you like that?” or “Is this okay?” can be helpful. But if you’re constantly pausing to ask questions, your partner might not get the consistent stimulation they need, and you might actually be distracting them from enjoying oral sex!
Even if you can’t climax from oral sex, you may be able to enjoy it. Take the pressure off yourself and your partner by removing orgasm as a goal. And if oral sex isn’t for you, no one says you have to do it!
Contact us if you want more sex tips and tricks, including those on oral sex!