So you’ve met a great guy or an awesome lady. You have common interests and friends. It’s all pleasant enough, but there’s just no excitement. Can you learn to be passionate about someone if there’s no chemistry at first?
There’s nothing like the feeling you get when you’re attracted to someone, and the feeling is mutual. You can’t wait to fall into bed together, but sometimes waiting makes it all the better once it finally happens. That’s what makes sexual chemistry amazing.
For some couples, sexual chemistry is immediately apparent. In fact, chemistry can make you overlook other ways in which you might not be so compatible. For others, sexual chemistry needs time to grow.
You might need to become comfortable spending time with your partner and making physical contact, so jumping into bed right away may not be wise. Give yourself time to get to know your partner, and the comfort might turn to chemistry.
It can be disappointing when the sexual chemistry isn’t readily apparent, but sometimes you need to foster it before you really feel it.
- Make plenty of time for foreplay. You might not want to jump into your partner’s pants right away, and that’s okay. You may be able to uncover the feeling after making out, fingering or a sensual massage.
- Talk about sex outside the bedroom, both in non-sexual contexts where you discuss boundaries and consent and in sexy ways. Sending sexy texts and pictures is a great way to increase sexual chemistry when you’re away from your partner.
- Try new things together, both inside the bedroom and out. The increase in adrenaline is incredibly sexy. Plus, trying toys, new positions or BDSM can feel taboo or novel and make your sex life that much more exciting.
- Other ways to build sexual chemistry include teasing, flirting, playing hard to get, paying compliments, subtle physical contact such as touching their arm, and smelling good.
In fact, you can make building sexual chemistry into a fun game rather than worrying about it.
When Chemistry Just Isn’t There
Sometimes sexual chemistry is a thing that you just have, or you don’t. You can’t force it. Trying to do so will only lead to resentment, especially if your partner does feel chemistry that’s just not there for you. It’ll come as a shock to them that you haven’t been completely honest.
However, you might find yourself revealing a lack of chemistry to someone who shares your feelings, and you might wind up with a good friend rather than a romantic or sexual partner. Even if you wind up breaking it off with someone who is otherwise a good man or woman, it’s better to be true to yourself in the long run.
It’s no one’s fault when sexual chemistry just isn’t there, but you can often help chemistry along in a way that both you and your partner will enjoy. So if there’s any chance, give it time and effort to develop.