How Do I Get My Partner to Dominate Me?

When you think of BDSM and domination, you may have some preconceived notions. Perhaps you think it’s something for those with tons of gear in their basement, or a perverse activity outside of normal sexuality. However, elements of dominance and submission in sex are incredibly common. Did you know that 65% of women and 53% of men fantasize about being sexually dominated? Similarly, 47% of women and 60% of men fantasize about dominating a partner.


If this is you (statistically, it’s more likely than not that it is), you may now be wondering: How do I enact this fantasy? How do I talk to my partner about what I want?

The first thing you should do is get an idea of what you want. Being tied down and whipped might not be up your alley, but being ordered to perform sexual acts or being lightly slapped could be. Decide what you consider sexy, and keep that in mind when you talk to your partner.

If you already have good communication in the bedroom, it should be easy – “Why don’t we try this?”. If not, it will be more difficult to start the conversation – but working past that difficulty will be worth it. If you’re shy, you could try a more roundabout approach. “Have you ever thought about domination and submission?” or “Do you have any fantasies?” could be a way to start this conversation.

On the other hand, you may not have as clear an idea of what you want. Maybe your fantasies are vaguer, or maybe this is the first time you’ve even considered being dominated. Romantix has a fetish section that you can scroll through to get ideas. If you want to explore with your partner, you could also try a sex survey like MojoUpgrade. This free website will let you both input your sexual interests, and only show the ones that match. Seeing a list of ideas might stir new things within you.

Before you start, you do want to keep safety in mind. Make sure you both know each other’s limits, and for the first few times, have an idea of what will be done and how. You also want a safeword. A safeword is a word that, when said, will pause or end the scenario should either partner need it. Red, yellow, and green are a commonly used system, where red means stop, yellow means pause, and green means go ahead.

Are you ready to bring BDSM to your relationship? If you are, and you want some ideas to start, contact us so we can help you. Be safe, and have fun!



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