When It Comes to Sex, What’s Most Important: Quality or Quantity?


Many people want to know how often others have sex. They desire to know if their sex lives are normal. But normal isn’t always healthy, and sex is a personal matter where you’ll find no right or wrong. This is definitely the case when it comes to quality versus quantity and which one is more important.

Like most questions regarding sexual satisfaction, the question of quality versus quantity is one that you and your partner need to answer for yourselves. For some, it’s more important to have sex more frequently while others would prefer less frequent sex that either leads them to better orgasms or makes them feel more connected to their partners (or both). We wouldn’t dare suggest what you should value because different people have different values.

This can become an issue within your relationship, especially if you value quantity more than quality and your partner is the opposite (or vice versa). These situations can lead to one or both of you growing resentful because you’re not necessarily getting what you want or need from your relationship and sex life.

You should know what’s most important to you and let partners know. This way you can come to a compromise or at least understand and appreciate how the other person feels. In some instances, you might find that you’re so sexually incompatible that you simply can’t find a compromise.

But note that you might not always want the same thing. When you’re younger or in casual relationships that are more physical, quantity might be most important. As you grow older and enter into committed relationships, you might find yourself focusing more on quality. Keep in mind that if you suddenly find yourself not having enough sex, you might find yourself focusing on quantity even if it was never that important to you in the past. Similarly, a new sex partner might have you wanting sex all the time.

Sometimes we just need to have more sex, and sometimes we need a quick release of a quickie rather than hours upon hours of foreplay, teasing, and stimulation (sometimes repeated). Sometimes life only gives us a little time, so sex takes the back burner and quality might decrease. But it doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself having more sex or having better sex sometime in the future because of renewed sexual interest.

We also want our readers to remember that it’s not necessarily either one or the other. You can have frequent sex that’s good, and the opposite is also true. Although, there’s something to be said for how sexual tension and chemistry can build when you don’t get it often, waiting between sexual encounters doesn’t guarantee that the sex will be good. Too many people relegate themselves to infrequent sex that’s just not that good!

So do what feels right — just make sure to let your partner know where you stand. If you’d rather have less frequent sex but make more time for sex in each of those sessions, that’s great. And if you find yourself preferring sex more often but with less time or planning, that’s okay, too.

Got a burning sexual question? Contact us, and we may even answer it in a future blog post!

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