‘Treat Yo’ Self:’ Choosing Your New Masturbator

How to choose a masturbator

Donna and Tom of Parks and Recreation coined the term “treat yo’ self” in which they spent an entire day doing whatever they wanted with no concern for the financial repercussions. Luckily for you, Romantix makes it possible to treat yourself to a new, quality masturbator at an affordable price. Not sure where to start? Here is a quick guide to what a masturbator is and what type is best for you.

Beginner / Basic

Choosing a masturbator can be difficult, especially if you have no clue what to buy. Here are three safe choices for someone just beginning to experiment with toys.

1. Jackits Masturbation Sleeve

This is a nice beginner item for someone with no previous experience with a masturbator. It is simple, affordable, and discreet.

Jackits Masturbation Sleeve

2. Palm Pal ULTRASKYN Masturbator Mouth

A step up from a masturbation sleeve, this piece imitates a mouth for a more personalized experience.

ULTRASKYN Masturbator

3. Cheap Thrills Male Masturbator or Cheap Thrills Male Masturbation Sleeve – The Harlot

These realistic masturbators are a cheap yet quality piece for those looking for their first real pocket pussy.

Male Masturbation Sleeve


These choices are for those that may have more experience with using toys or who are looking for a more technological or discreet experience.

1. His Masturbation Kit

This five piece kit comes with three enhancement rings and two masturbators with three suction cups.


2. Apollo Wireless Grip Stroke Masturbator

This waterproof piece features a removable push button simulator and a sleek, modern design.


3. Apollo Rotator Masturbator

This beautiful toy rotates its textured chamber for maximum fun.



These choices are optimized to create a realistic experience for the user. However, they are not very discreet and will require room for storage!

1. My Holes – Spread Pussy and Ass Masturbator

This larger piece features both a pussy and ass component.


2. Bonnie Rotten Gaping Asshole Masturbator

For those looking for a more NSFW-experience, this piece features a larger asshole as well as a pussy.


3. Fuck Me Silly Man! Mega Masturbator 

This ultimate masturbator features a massive dick atop a 20 lb. ripped body for an entirely realistic experience.


Orgasms for Breakfast: A New Way to Waking Up

Orgasms for breakfast? Sounds delicious.

Imagine this: You wake up in the morning, like every other morning, roll out of bed and crawl to the kitchen for your daily dose of caffeine. But instead of coffee, like the average kitchen, on your counter sits a gorgeous being willing to offer you anything your heart desires.

And anything really means anything. S/he means to please you in any way they can so that you’re ready to take on your day. That includes many, many orgasms. What woman isn’t ready for some hot loving before eight or so hours of drab?

And imagine this: the orgasms energize you above and beyond the powers of any cup of coffee (espresso shot or not) and drab becomes fab. Imagine Cinderella but with orgasms.

While this is just a fantasy scenario, there are women out there actually living the dream.

Women have it great in the orgasm department since we’re able to get off on clitoral stimulation alone. Without question, having something inside is pretty great. Still, it’s comforting to know that assistance isn’t necessary for an amazing orgasm. Not everyone has an orgasm-dispenser on her kitchen counter.

And there are even benefits to this whole “having orgasms” thing besides the toes-curling pleasure of it all.

An orgasm releases oxytocin, a hormone in your brain that does magical things like make you very happy, relieve stress, take the (actual) pain away, and increase the blood-flow to your brain. Read 8 Facts About The Female Orgasm if you still need convincing.

There are many ways you can go about this:

For instance, how about joining your partner in the shower for a quickie before both of you have to do important non-fun things? Not only will each of you be thoroughly cleaned from head to toe but the rush of coming under the hot shower water will keep you energized and ready to take on the world. Never mind round two.

If you’re running a little lower on time, nothing beats oral sex in the morning.

Speaking of eating, did you know that sex burns calories? Nothing like starting your day with a nice workout that brings pleasure instead of pain. According to Woman’s Day, having sex can help you burn more than 144 calories in a thirty minute time-span. As if you needed another reason to have sex. Feeling a little lazy? You can still burn up to one hundred calories in the same amount of time through oral.

If you don’t have a partner, as there are a lot of us who don’t, give yourself an orgasm. Use your hands or a special sex toy to get yourself the satisfaction you need to start your day. There are plenty of toys out there, so you have time to discover which one is for you. Try one of our personal favorites: Lily.

No matter how you decide to take your climaxes, there’s not a single thing that would make your morning better. So how about it? Would you like some sex with those eggs?